SELLING YOUR SOUL – OR BRINGING A FEW QUID IN?

I was discussing a new Robins ground with our esteemed chairman last season when he said: “I'd be very open to allowing naming rights for our new ground.” Well he really said: “They can call the thing what they fucking want as long as they give us some money,” and that is pretty much how it has to be at the level we are at. Whether iconic grounds such as Anfield, Old Trafford or St James' Park should go down that route then that is open to question...

The Geordies are probably planning a protest while Hicks and Gillette and Abramovich at the scousers and Chelsea respectively see looking for £250m on the horizon. Whether the traditionalists – of which I am one – like it or not it will come in. Already has with the Emirates, Britannia, KC Stadium et al. Oh and not forgetting the egotistical DW Stadium.

It's the way of the world and as Chelsea panic that they are falling behind Arsenal and old Father Jack Whelan again claims he has no money to spend in the January transfer window then maybe he should have sold the naming rights to the stadium rather than thought about his own profile and grabbing some free advertising. The fact is naming rights are part of modern day football. Properly-named gronds have gone the way of orange balls, muddy pitches, comb-overs and everything else that was good it football.
So... thinking ahead and all this is hypothetical what if we get a new ground in the near future or the council hand the Robin Park Arena to us – what should we go for? And of course thinking ahead we need to sort this out now so I took the bull by the horns, approached a few firms and have so far received the following tenders along with the proposed names:

The Edwards of Platt Waz Pie Dome
JN Stadium
bathsprings@Robin Park
Wigan Pier Donk Anthems Part 83 Stadium
Jonny Corcoran Kitchens & Bathrooms Emporium Park
Th'ASDA Arena
Vinnie Neafcy Brandy & Coke Park
RMB Stadium – only open when he's not on holiday though!
Mr English's Pey Wet Park
Baz Barton's Boulevard
The Ryan Big Stadium
Janfield
The Bear Pit
The Chicken & Shish in a Nan Bread @ Ali's Pizzeria we can deliver if within five miles Stadium
Daz Mullen's Hairbands and Accessories Stall on Wigan Market Park
The “I can still hear Dougy Pitts moaning five miles away” Stadium
Predictions Park – money dependent on how many everybody sells
Vaughanie's Dodgy DVDs Drive
Vermiglio's Ice Cream Parlour Park
The Adi(das) Whittle Arena

Now they've all offered £100 per year apart from Ryan Big who has asked to pay it weekly when he has it. So we leave it to you our democratic members to decide. Voting ends 31 December. Btw Dave Whelan has said if it's called the JN Stadium he will be speaking to the council as there's only room for one megalomaniac chairman in this town!

From Fields of Flowers Fanzine Issue 2 - now sold out