Thursday, 25 November 2010

Ingrid Pitt RIP

A proper vampire - none of that Twilight bollocks...

Unit Four Cinema, Pemberton, the Queen of Hammer Horror, growing up and all that.

Thanks for the memories

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

A classic double-header

Nice little double-header yesterday...

First up was an entertaining ninety minutes of Latics reserves beating a very poor Bolton Wanderers side. Then again when is a Bolton side anything other than poor?

Latics strolled it really as an excellent first half goal from Callum McManaman and a second half strike by Joe Holt and header from Adam Buxton made it 3-0 to the home side.

Holt impressed - as ever - while Roman Golobart was a rock at the back but all-in-all it was an exceleent team performance. There was a kid called Aivan Sunday upfront who was busy and bright whilst Bolton-fan Mike Pollitt had just the one save to make.

Wanderers were that bad that they got there first corner in - something like - the 85th minute. As for the lump upfront - Tom Eaves - well all I can say is Oldham saw you coming...

As the temperature dropped a pie would have been nice but there was no hot food or drinks available. There was the usual smattering of scouts in attendance, some very uninterested young players doing the ballboying duties, the normal oddball Wanderers folk whilst Tony Kelly wandered around in his Bolton kit!

All-in-all a reasonable afternoon's attendance before the second installment and a first trip of the season to "Edgy" Green Street and a view of St Helens v Stone Doninoes in Saints temporary home. And in truth it was all a bit grim. A crowd of 63 was declared - erm not sure about that but... it all felt very quiet. Feel a bit sorry for Saints playing there but needs must, I suppose - just a shame that the biggest contingent there was the Robins lads.

On the pitch Stone Doms put in an excellent away performance, Defending solidly, breaking with pace and - most importantly - taking their chances.

The game finished 0-2, it was effing freezing, the pie was "very average", the coffee nowt special but the Bovril was spot-on.

In fact the Bovril was the highlight of the day.

Oh and no programmes - as the lad that does them had been rushed into hospital. Pity as the Saints' programme is quite simply one of the best around the whole of the football world. We wish the fella well...

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

A book for Christmas: The Ivy Look by Graham Marsh & JP Gaul

Meet at TopShop

Meet at Topshop, Oxford Circus. All the young lovers meet there. Boys and girls and boys and boys and girls and girls in this mixed-up muddled-up shook-up world.

I meet Janet there and she is late as normal. And I’m as mad as normal and she flashes me that big beautiful smile. And she takes my arm and I forgive her. Cos I always forgive her and we walk through the backs to Efes for kebabs and steaks. And beautiful dips and pittas for a beautiful girl.

We share our joy and pain. Sunshine and rain. We eat and I drink. Jan has a Baileys that she sips. And she keeps smiling and we talk about our friends. Mutual and otherwise. I tell her I love her and she tells me the same. But this love will not be consummated. This is platonic love and we both know that. We hold each other close in our hearts. We are mates and that will do me fine. Beautiful as she is – I don’t break up relationships. My morals are low but something deep, very deep keeps me from her. But no messing I love this beautiful girl from Streatham.

And this beautiful girl from Streatham loves Tom Waits and to a backdrop of the chitter and chatter of twenty-nine accountants and one secretary I slowly and quietly start singing:

“And you can ask any sailor and the keys from the jailor
And the old men in wheelchairs know
That Matilda's the defendant, she killed about a hundred
And she follows wherever you may go
Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda
You'll go a waltzing Matilda with me

And it's a battered old suitcase to a hotel someplace
And a wound that will never heal
No prima donna, the perfume is on
An old shirt that is stained with blood and whiskey
And goodnight to the street sweepers
The night watchman flame keepers and goodnight to Matilda too”

Through welled-up eyes and a lump or six in my throat. And she flashes me that big beautiful fucking smile. The suits are bewildered – twenty nine of the fuckers trying to chat up the secretary from Southgate who will lead them on and half-listen to their tales of accountancy and flow charts. Budgets and provisions, sports cars and salaries. When all you need to fall in love is Tom Waits and gorgeous Turkish food.

We talk about growing up and Jan tells me Tom Waits’ Kentucky Avenue is the greatest song about childhood. I tell her Springsteen’s Growing Up is the greatest song about… er growing up but she flashes me that me that big beautiful fucking smile and I know she is right.

Waits once said when introducing the song: “I grew up at a street called Kentucky Avenue. Well, I was born at a very young age, and eh when I was about 5 years old I used to... I used to walk down Kentucky Avenue collecting cigarette buts. And I finally got me a paper route. I used to get up at 1 o' clock in the morning so I could deliver my papers and still have time to break the law..."

But the song is more about his best friend. This friend had polio and he used to be in a wheelchair and they’d race to the end of the road. And Jan tells me this and she sings in her sweet South London voice:

“I'll take the spokes from your wheelchair and a magpie's wings
And I'll tie 'em to your shoulders and your feet
I'll steal a hacksaw from my dad and cut the braces off your legs
And we'll bury them tonight out in the cornfield
Just put a church key in your pocket, we'll hop that freight train in the hall
We'll slide all the way down the drain to New Orleans in the fall”

The suits don’t understand poetry. They don’t understand love. Don’t understand platonic love and the way that Janet’s big beautiful smile means more to me than anything in the world and they don’t know who Tom Waits is and it pleases me no end and it would please Tom Waits as well…

The Good, the bad and the ugly

photo courtesy Paul Cullen
Well let's get the good out the way first.

Well the pie and home made Leek & Potato soup was excellent and after that it went pretty much downhill straight away.
Respect to Abbey Hey - who were definitely good and everything else about the day was bad and at times downright ugly!
No point dwelling on it and this blog has never been one for slagging players off but I must say it was a pitiful performance. Personally I'd exempt Jay Foulds - that didn't have a chance with the goals - Ste Eddy - who didn't get a pass all game and Scott McNair - who looked bright when he came on - from the general malaise that surrounded the rest of the team/squad.
We never put two passses together, had a shot on goal or remotely looked like doing either of those things fundamental to winning a game of football.
As for the ugly bit - well they tell me Wiggles' tackle was a shocker. I'm playing the Arsene Wenger on this as I simply couldn't tell from where I was. To me it looked no worse than the one on Dean Midge that (that) bald-headed plonker of a referee deemed not to be worthy of a red but hey there you go...
Right it's over and let's hope it's a blip rather than the beginning of a bad run and let's face it we've only lost one game in something like eleven games. So onward and upwards as we look forward to Chaddy at home on Saturday and Raddy away the following Tuesday.

"Bring on the Robins"

Saturday, 20 November 2010

"Bombs away over Abbey Hey"

A (sort of) poem composed in 30 seconds by Joe Hawkins: Poet in Residence at WRPFC

On a Clear Day...
A lush green pitch and a still, still day,
A perfect chance to watch the Robins play.
Clear blue skies and supporters' cries,
Top of the league and other highs.
Red and white stripes, tall and proud.
Booming voices from the crowd
Flowing football to entice the masses,
Ryan Small's runs and Neafcy's passes
A pint of beer, a pie and a toffee
A warming hip flask and a boiling hot coffee.
Three points we hope - and an enjoyable game
ROBINS is our fucking name.

Thursday, 18 November 2010

Things we like Part 1009: The Rig Out Issue 3

If you like your clobber then you'll know all about the Oi Polloi shop in Manchester. What you might not know is that they have their own house magazine The Rig Out. Costing three English pounds Issue #3 documents the Norwegian wilderness, with record-breaking cyclist, James Bowthorpe strutting (or should we say cycling) his stuff in some of the smartest garments money can buy.

Elsewhere in the issue there's a heavy Italian influence, with the the Paninari' of Milano '84 setting the precedent style-wise.

Oh, and there's also a boss article by yours truly in there!

So buy it...

From the shop or online @

Gabba Gabba Abbey Hey

photo courtesy:

This Saturday the boys from the Gorton 'hood visit the Stadio. The day at their place was only ruined by the ninety minutes football so hopefully we'll put the record straight, get the three points and keep top spot.

A massive game (as is every game) as we hope to keep the pressure on the others below us.

As ever come and join the WRBs at the top of the stand for what should be a decent game

"Bring on the Robins (and the pies)"

Birth of the cool...

Our good friends at the WCC (Wigan Cool Collective)- over at FC United - have invited any likeminded spirits from the WRPCC (yeah, you get the idea) to join them.

Now obviously I'm bang in there* but I'm not sure who else is cool enough to join them. After having a look around at the match (and in the pub) the other week I'm not sure.

Young Bongo's a bit of a dresser. Graham Ibbo's been there or thereabouts for years, Conway's pretty smart and Robbie's not too bad for an old boy from the Crofter's Arms but some of the others especially the players are letting the side down.

Admittedly - after their golf day - Corcy had a nice jumper and polo shirt on and Jay's RL polo was okay but the rest of them!!! Looked like Milk Tray Man gone bad. Then you've the gaffer in his "I'm a Wolverhampton Wanderer or summat" tee shirt and Bazzer in his shorts with a broken zip stylee and it really isn't good enough. Add in the the ridiculous woolly hats and horrible pumps they all wear and I despair.

Then of course there's the scouse contingent! Now these scousers are always telling me how well dressed they are but blimey. These lot seem to have left their cool at Glenburn School

They simply have to up the ante a bit to be considered.

* For guidance I am currently wearing:
Donkey Jacket
Bar Scarf
Pendleton work shirt
Flat Cap
Black jeans 1/2 inch turn-ups to reveal
Black Doc Marten boots

And if you are thinking why is he wearing such stylish gear when sat tapping away at a keyboard then the fact is: I'm simply too cool to turn the heating on

Yours etc

Joe Hawkins

Please note membership will be strictly monitored. Either that or buy me a beer and you're in!

Meanwhile here are ten cool Wigan things...

Mesnes Park in winter - when the goths, scrotes and the unwashed students have fucked off
The novel house bookshop
The butcher/ess in Roy England's
Orrell RT CC
The Anvil
Orrell RUFC
Muffin man steak pies
The Wigan Robin Bastards
The WCC ???

When the blue, blue robin goes bob, bob, bobbin' along

If you are not aware you can follow the Robins fortunes on twitter.

I'll endeavour to update during the games but sometimes the bar gets in the way. However for all the other news/gossip/information you can follow us on

Since the last time...

Here are just a few of the things that have happened since I last put pen to paper (or rather fingers to keyboard)...

Andy Neafcy still hasn't scored
We are top of the league and still in three cups
While the ressies are joint third with a cup competition to come + the Wigan Cup quarters later in the season.
If we had barn doors in Wigan WN5 then Ste Eddy wouldn't be able to hit one in recent weeks.
Paul Vermiglio is: "Eating for two" - sorry that's his missus. Wiggles is obviously still eating for six!
Radcliffe Borough in the Lancs Trophy quarters is coming up soon.
Home-made pies and hot pot at the Stadio's kitchen
But still no telly
100% in yellow and green
The Gaffer's eventually got his computer working!
But still no Manager of the Month award
There's a definite scouse twang about the place. Albeit a plastic scouse twang...
Wigan Robin Bastards still "bossing the joint"
Looking forward to away trips to Runcorn Town, AFC Blackpool, Colls and AFC Liverpool
In fact it's all getting a bit giddy. Think I'll need a drink or two to calm down.

The blog really is back

After a bit of a break - what with being seconded on official duty - the blog is most definitely back!

I'll be taking an irreverant and unofficial look at the goings-on at the Stadio de Robin Park along with the other important things in life like pies, beer, music, clobber, girls and (er) more pies.

It'll be mainly tongue-in-cheek/satirical shit with the occasional observations on modern football and modern life.

Feel free to comment.

Cheers Vaughanie