Thursday, 6 November 2008

Wigan, Bacup, Stoke and the Britannia Coco-Nut Dancers

One for those that like their football badges all medieval

Two games on Saturday for the Wigan football cognoscenti (no I don't know what that word means either but hey sod it this is not The Sun so lets add a bit of class). Any road I digress and I'm only on the first sentence.

Yeah two games of football all within a hundred yards of each other. Admittedly one will be big boot, long throws and a little above Sunday League standard whilst the other will be Wigan Robin Park FC against Bacup Borough.

But first let's get the Latics v Stoke game out of the way. Bruce has said he wants the Latics players to "be men" which sounds all a bit too homoerotic for me but I sought of get his drift... Then again this is football and as Danny Baker said in his excellent (and without doubt the only phone-in worth listening to) 606 on Tuesday: "As my mate at Millwall says when Millwall players start rolling around, feigning injury, waving imaginary cards - stop whinging and get stuck into them..."

And that is right - it's football not bloody rounders - get stuck in. And lest we forget OUR main attacking tactic this season has been Maynor Figueroa's er... long throw-in. So pot, kettle and all that.

Anyroad it won't be pretty, but what is in that awful league. Steeevvvvvviiiiie Geee diving, Ronaldo crying, Fat Frank kissing his badge, Harry bleeding Rednapp or Rooney trying to decapitate somebody?

So after all that blood, sweat and tears it'll be a change to sit back and watch some goals fly in. Bacup can't stop scoring and letting goals in while at the Robins it's been pretty much the same. What may count in this game is that it is a Vodkat cup tie and Bacup Borough play in the Premier League - one above WRP. It'll be a tough ask and a good way for the Robins to test themselves personally (as players) and as a team against the higher outfit. I also have an inkling that some of th'athletics stadium regulars might be hoping for a replay and a chance to visit the wonderfully-named West View ground that is situated on COWTOOT LANE with views over the Lancashire countryside!!

A club steeped in history (founded in 1875) who count David May (ex Manchester Uniited & Blackburn) and David Felgate (ex everybody including Latics) as ex-players. Their current star is Tommy Turner - who with 15 goals is the Vodkat Premier League's top scorer.

It will undoubtedly be a tough day at the office for our cherry and white-hooped heroes so all support will be needed and even moreso appreciated.

One of the Bacup WAGS (maybe...)

£3(ish) to get in, hot snacks and drinks at Robin's Nest, banter with the Wigan Robin Bastards, a decent pitch, The Bear, the chance that Agyness Deyn might turn up (she's from Rawtenstall next to Bacup), Bacup's Nutters dance troupe - Britannia Coco-Nut Dancers with the 'nuts' being wooden discs, which are worn on the dancers' hands, knees and belts and are struck in time to the music and the chance to continue your football fix, let the traffic disappear, the pubs thin out and hopefully see two home victories in four hours.

And of course it will give everybody a chance to see if Ryan Small really is Wigan's best midfielder...

Better than Palacios?


Anonymous said...

Is it true that you're Ryan Small's dad?

Joe Hawkins said...

I'm ugly but not that ugly :-)

Anonymous said...


Tony Topping said...

Excellent preview Andrew. Like Pilps on the mudhuts forum I also had a soft spot for Bacup because of their name. In the mid 70's I could silence the nutters in the station taxi rank who shouted "United!" by singing "We love you Bacup we do" Even got the likes of Lowey to sing along ;-)